Conflict in the church

In the past week, I've seen 2 opposite ways of resolving conflicts in the church (neighbourhood Modelia)


Conflict Resolution 101: Rocky and Bullwinkle (names may have been changed to hide identities!) are teens in the church. Rocky is a fun-loving 18-yr-old who loves to make jokes: sometimes people don't take it well. Bullwinkle is a super-dedicated and sincere teen. He speaks with a lisp and some people have made fun of him for it. Both teens have been in the church for 1 year. Last week, Rocky started joking around, poking fun at Bullwinkle for the way he prayed. Bullwinkle (rightly so) got offended. 'I'm serious, Miriam, I was about to up and storm out of the church, I felt humiliated!' Bullwinkle later shared his frustrations and we all were able to talk directly with Rocky about what had happened, and Rocky promptly apologized to Bullwinkle.

Bullwinkle shared what had happened with his dad, who advised him to simply not talk with Rocky. 'Just don't say hi to him. Don't talk with him: if he asks you a favour or invites you out, say no. I don't like it one bit how he treated you.'



This happened a week ago. Yesterday it was his birthday and I suggested the 3 of us go out to celebrate (Nacho, Lucho and myself), forgetting about their recent conflict. Bullwinkle again expressed how hurt he had felt, but in the end thought it out level-headedly: 'I don't hold a grudge against Rocky, I know he's a good person. Yes, I was real embarrassed but I'm not going to hold it against him. He's been good to me and I have no reason to not talk with him. Yeah, i'm ok with Rocky coming.'

Conflict Resolution 102: Martha and Miguel are 2 teens dating in the church. They dated for 10 months, and appeared very serious, committed in the church too. A month ago, another chica caught Miguel's attention and he ended their relationship. Martha took it super hard: she didn't eat, decided to quit her part-time job, and in general was in the pits. Her mom and 2 sisters also took it hard: they didn't want to see him any closer than a mile away. Her youngest sister has friends in a neighbourhood gang and it got to the point where she was going to send a friend to stab Miguel. The pastor caught wind of this and was able to talk with this friend, and calmed the situation. Who knows if he really would have gone and stabbed Miguel, in revenge for what Miguel did to Martha?

Everyday conflicts in Modelia are commonly resolved with violence: verbal abuse, physical abuse, threats, knives, guns. Simple conflicts turn into unforgivable offenses. Last week in the School of Leaders we started talking about peacebuilding: how do we achieve peace in the church and the neighbourhood. Participants emphasized that we have to start within the church: learn to deal with conflicts in a healthy way. If not, we'll never reach that peace we desire to see in the neighbourhood.

There's lots of work to do in Modelia: through the School of Leaders, we're studying Biblically how to be leaders but are also working the area of peacebuilding: how can we be church and community leaders, being examples in the community of and advocating for healthy conflict resolution?

Thinking of peace seems like a far-off dream, especially in a country tangled up in a 50-year armed conflict. How can we work to break this vicious cycle of revenge, grudges and violence? School of Leaders participants put it simply: we must learn to resolve interpersonal conflicts within the church before thinking of big-picture peace in the neighbourhood or country. It's exciting to see church members reflecting and discussing these issues. I hope and pray people continue to work on this peacebuilding with energy.

The call to peace in the Bible...

Isaiah 2:4 speaks prophetically to a reason to work for peace. Mennonite churches have taken this verse as a key justification for their peace work.

4 He will judge between the nations
and will settle disputes for many peoples.
They will beat their swords into plowshares
and their spears into pruning hooks.
Nation will not take up sword against nation,
nor will they train for war anymore.

5 Come, O house of Jacob,
let us walk in the light of the LORD.

What's peace to you?

I see peace as 'healthily resolving personal conflicts'; 'equal access to basic needs (food, work, health, education); 'understanding your community' ; involvement in your community' ; 'one of God's desires for His creation'; 'speaking out in love against injustices'...Whaddyou think? What's peace to you?

Why not work for peace?

Every year, Colombian pastors and local church members get together in Cachipay, about 1 hour away from Bogota, for the Colombian Mennonite Church Assembly. Amanda suggested I go to see how the church interacts on a national level and better understand the dynamics and issues the Mennonite church struggles with here in Colombia. Amanda and I got up before the crack of dawn to get a headstart, and arrived here to have lunch.

I retrieved a steamy bowl of ajiaco - a traditional Bogotano soup with corn, chicken and thick cream - and sat down beside a bubbly pastor from the Coast, entering into what appeared a one-sided conversation about the dangers of drinking.

As people began getting up from the table, the topic turned to presentations and 'oh, so why are you in Colombia?' I explained a bit about SEED and its emphasis on education, serving and advocacy. Thinking out loud, she remarked 'why don't they send one to our church? We could use a SEEDer, we need help with our activities too, you know!' Her pushy approach to the subject did not put me at ease.

I tried to explain the purposes on the program, especially about supporting peace processes, relating local experiences to big-picture issues and the importance of education, learning about the context before jumping into activities in the church. She reacted quite bluntly: 'I just can't do this peace work you talk about.' What can I say to that?

It turns out she was displaced by armed guerrilla members as a young child and witnessed images that no one wishes on others...friends being murdered, having to flee with her brother in the pitch-dark...not knowing if they would kill her or spare her life.

After she shared these horribly real memories, I started thinking: What are other reasons or excuses people have to not work for peace, healthy communities?

...maybe because of horrific things they have lived, they are afraid of the consequences.
...maybe because they think peace is just the absence of war.
...maybe they're disillusioned with peace and think there's no point.
...maybe because they think we're in the end times and this world is going to hell anyways.
...maybe it takes too much time. Or too much effort.
...maybe some people have money and can pay their way out of conflicts or war.
…why else?



It's easy to get discouraged, especially in a context where people sometimes struggle to put food on the table or find bus fare to get to work. Intense domestic conflicts or violence is common in Modelia, and single mothers is the norm. But why should I continue?

I could answer many ways, but what keeps me going is seeing peoples' gifts in the community. We are God's creation and He has given us talents to contribute to our communities, our churches, our country.

Extranjera in Colombia

Yesterday I had one of those 'I don't wanna be a Canadian extranjera here in Colombia.' I was really frustrated. I get tired, to the point of annoyance, of at least 3 people a day asking me: 'Where are you from? It's cold in Canada isn't it?' Yes, I'm a foreigner. Yes, I have blue eyes. Yes, it's cold in Canada.

I was in the grocery store yesterday and went to weigh my fruits and veggies. A young man attended me and was very nice. Surely the way I talk gives away my foreignness. He didn't say anything outright but just kind of looked at me twice. Then I went to the first floor to buy my rice, curry sauce (a rare household condiment here in Colombia) and milk. An older man, who later professed to be 80 yrs old, heard me talking and started talking to me in English. So much for blending in. It turns out he's from the States, and married a Colombian 22 years ago. He's now retired and living in Ibague. We ended up standing just outside the elevator doors for about 10 mins talking in English. Again, I was 'dando papaya' (sticking out). Instead of making me more comfortable, I felt uneasy, especially when he asked me how old I was and if I wanted to go to his house and eat with him and his girlfriend. Hmmm...a bit sketchy.

Finally, roaming around in the oats and cereals aisle (cereal is much less common here and more expensive: a tasty oat drink called avena is the most popular way to have cereal), a red-shirted employee flat out stared at me. A few minutes later, buying popular Sello Rojo coffee, he appeared and asked me the question of the day. You got it. 'So, where are you from?' Urgh! He asked for my phone number. I was thinking whether or not to give it to him, but then thought: why should I? I don't know him, I don't know if he's a trustworthy person and I really wouldn't have much interest in keeping in touch, let alone time. We parted cordially: 'Nice to meet you, too.'

I honestly do enjoy sometimes being looked at twice. People sometimes comment on the blue eyes my parents gave me. People call me mona (Mona in other countries means monkey but here it's a coined term for someone with light skin...therefore there's also many Colombian monos – tee hee hee). As in many places, having light skin generally means more privileges. People are very cordial here, and many go out of their way to make small gestures of kindness: opening a door, asking if I need help finding a place, speaking clearly to ensure I understand. I do like it that people are so kind to me. But other times, I ask, 'why am I being treated with more politeness than those around me?' Or sometimes it's the opposite: some people look twice or stare at me and that's it.

Being an extranjera here is a test of my pride. I want people to know I fully understand Spanish. Even though they don't mean it this way, I feel like they think I don't know Spanish when they talk slowly or indicate numbers with their hands.

If I get frustrated about people looking at me twice, I wonder how a woman in Semillas de Esperanza feels when her husband insults her and expects her to carry the weight of the household. I wonder how a committed teen girl in the church feels when her family makes fun of her for going to the church, and when she doesn't have friends to vent to or money to go and drink a coffee outside her house.

Picture: Sharing my birthday with the church community. They bought a cake and several people from the church came on a Sat. night to share it together.

I arrived home last night sensitive and frustrated. With this same attitude, I quickly grabbed a glass bottle out of the fridge. I lost grip and it shattered on the floor. That stopped me dead in my tracks. Relax. Miriam, what good are you doing in a bad mood, you're breaking things and aren't thinking clearly. I started to cry. God, I'm being self-centered. How many people in Ibague or the church are going through truly frustrating or desperate situations and here I am frustrated over sticking out.

After calming down, 30 minutes later Amanda, the pastor called me. Hey, you wanna come for a coffee with us? They were totally wacky that night: Daniel, her husband, is a real clown and makes more jokes than my dad. God must have been laughing his guts out last night, watching us bent over in laughter along Ibague's main street. It was just what I needed to get myself out of the self-pity puddle.

Today, I'm still a Canadian mona living in Colombia but am glad there's people surrounding me that radiate life, energy and laughter. It's a good reminder that when I take care of myself, I can also share that with people I meet every day. Until next time, keep your stick on the ice.

Feliz Christmas...

Christmas in Colombia is more than anything a time to be with family. There might not be extra money for presents but families get together to sing and even stay up all night accompanied by the melodies of traditional Christmas, salsa and merengue music. Dancing is also key - I continue to practice my salsa skills!

The novenas, originally from the Catholic tradition, are popular here. In the 9 days leading up to Christmas, families gather together every night to say prayers and sing villancicos, popular Christmas songs that kids sing about Jesus' birth. I had the privilege of hearing a parrot singing a phrase of one a few days ago: 'The virgin Mary is brushing her hair, getting ready for the joooouurney'. Oohh, I laughed so hard! It made my day. People of other Christian denominations pray and recite poems related to Jesus' birth, family, love and unity. Amanda gave me a CD of some villancicos for my birthday and I was so excited. Unfortunately I still haven't had the chance to listen to them. I'll have to do that today.

It's interesting to see the same icicle lights and brightly lit up houses here in Colombia! Of course, I couldn't be left out: I bought some white icicle lights to adorn my house. Companies around Ibague also have enormous light set-ups, and the parks shine with an array of coloured lights. For example, Tolima's hydro company set up an enormous boat adorned with bright lights and tinsel. Walking around in a central park, I saw couples walking hand in hand looking around in awe at the lights, families buying mango slices or corn on the cob, street vendors selling chiclets and candies: a mix of the hope for joy at Christmas and montages of daily life here in Ibague.

Pictures: right: Amanda with her parents enjoy the Christmas lights in Ibague. Below, a street vendor walks the main street in Bogota.

Colombian Christmas food is quite different: Christmas desserts include natilla (custard-like with milk, a box mix, sugar and cinnamon) and buñuelos (deep-fried breadballs), brevas (figs), papaya and lime skins in a sugar syrup (absolutely delectable), a pineapple custard... main course includes pollo relleno (stuffed chicken), potato salad with peas and sausage, rice...I shared some Canadian flavours with some apple cider, gingerbread cookies and strata, a traditional family breakfast.

On Dec. 24 we had our Christmas service at the church, as Colombians celebrate Christmas on this day. The kids received their gifts, we had a time to sing, a drama and a special Christmas dinner after. Things didn't go exactly as planned: the power went out right after the drama and didn't come back on. We scrambled to find candles and mustered up about 10 to light our labours preparing for the dinner. At first, Amanda didn't want to hand out the gifts, afraid of handing out the wrong gifts to the wrong kids, but in the end candlelight pulled through. The man preparing the pollo relleno was backed up and the meat arrived 1 hour late. In the midst of this, people pitched in: one woman carved the meat by candlelight while another scooped rice and potato salad onto disposable plates. Another served gaseosa (pop) and us girls on the worship team sang some songs. Gloria entoned her own version of Silent Night : 'silent night...night without light...' My Christmas was quite unique. Picture: Natilla and bunuelos.

For me, the most special part was seeing how everyone pitched in and brought food for the dinner; a pound of rice here, 5 pounds of potatoes there, onions, sausages...etc. Unfortunately, the people in charge of preparing it arrived late, but they succeeded in pulling off a wicked potato salad!!! And how the food multiplied! The dinner was wonderful, especially thinking that many families wouldn't have been able to have a special dinner in their home. The church has struggled with people taking ownership and helping out, I hope this commitment keeps growing. There's so many gifts in the community, but discovering and putting them to use take more time and effort.

Picture: People enjoyed plates of rice, potato salad and pork. Gloria (r) is part of the microempresa and has been in the church for at least 1 1/2 years.

Our Christmas drama rocked - Joseph is shocked to find out about Mary's pregnancy through Facebook, and immediately calls her cell phone. Baby Jesus was a girl, because she was the only baby in the church! We sang Hoy es Navidad , the Spanish version of Jingle Bells at the nativity scene. It was last-minute but people seemed to enjoy it, I hope they could take it all in, and be reminded of the amazing gift that Jesus is to the world...not only for salvation but for showing us how to create His kingdom on earth made of love, justice and solidarity.

Pictures: Mary and Joseph are awaiting the baby!! (right) the 3 magi were women this year. :)

Every year, Amanda makes sure to buy gifts for kids who have attended church during the year. This year, 100 kids in 3 communities in Ibague received gifts. For some, this is the only gift they will receive. I heard they'd received Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes 2 years in a row, having done that in Canada, it was interesting to know exactly where the boxes go. People haven't stopped raving about them and the many gifties stowed inside. I have strong concerns about organizations that appear to just 'give' things: food, clothes, gifts, etc. but these boxes brought kids so much joy. 'How organizations work' : another theme for another day.

Pictures below: Martinica is a community set in the Ibaguerenan mountains, a community Amanda has been accompanying for 10 years. Several women made masato and empanadas, traditional foods here, and Amanda complemented the celebration with the gifts. These kids are a joy to be with...so attentive, polite.

After the service in Modelia, we came back to Amanda and Daniel's house, and waited till midnight to open gifts...then, at 1:30am we set out for Amanda's parents' house. Here in Colombia people apparently don't sleep at all the 24^th. We stayed there till 4:30am when we finally dragged ourselves back home to sleep till 10am. Along the way, I saw people with their stereos out on the street, people sitting in plastic chairs, enjoying their cerveza, being outside or dancing with family.

Christmas finished without really seeming like Christmas...being far from family, not celebrating Advent, not being able to experience novenas, or reading the Christmas story, hearing messages related to Christmas...so I have to remind myself that I can celebrate Christmas all year round – December festivities are only the beginning of a year-round celebration of Jesus' life. Therefore...i can still wish you who read this a...

FELIZ NAVIDAD!!! May Jesus be present in your life this coming year, guiding your actions and attitudes towards love and justice.

10 Tidbits about the department of Tolima

I haven't been consistent with blog posts, but I thought to post some things I've learned from being in Colombia for 10 months now. My recent email update gives a more complete overview of what I'm doing in Ibague, department of Tolima.

Being here in Ibague for 6 months has given me much insight into the daily life of Colombians, and the context in which they live... continuous learning I'd call it. Here are some small things that I have observed since arriving (this picture is a view of the mountains from the church doorstep in Modelia):

• Ibague is the musical capital of Colombia, with a nationally renowned Conservatory. They teach both classical and traditional Colombian music. I've been to 1 concert and hope to take some flute lessons there in the future.

• Ibague is the city with the highest unemployment rate in the country, at 19.1%. Many people are economically displaced, as they leave for Bogota to look for work. Although one can walk in several parts of the city safely, you always have to be careful, as armed robberies are becoming increasingly common (due to desperate financial situations).

• Tolima has pine trees. I didn't know Colombia had pine trees.

• Ibague is home to a national fiesta: the Fiesta of San Juan every June. The traditional dance of Tolima is the bambuco and the Sanjuanero is danced throughout Ibague during the Fiesta de San Juan.

• Neighbourhoods in Colombia are divided into government-defined stratas ranging from 1-6 (6 being upper class). In Bogota, lower stratas are in the south and upper ones in the north. In Ibague, a strata 5 neighbourhood can border a strata 1 or 2. My neighbourhood for example, is strata 3 and is surrounded by strata 2 and strata 6 neighbourhoods. In my opinion, this system is a compromise: people pay rent and utilities according to their strata which makes it

• Ibaguereños are friendly, generally more laid-back than Bogotanos, but not as animated as people from the Coast. (many Colombians say Costeños talk with their hands more than their lips)

• Typical Tolimense dishes: lechona and tamal. Lechona is a mixture of rice, peas and pork cooked right inside the whole pig on a spittle. Think of turkey stuffing at Christmas time. It's surprisingly super tasty! The tamal is pork, chicken, beef, potatoes, peas and perhaps carrots steam-cooked in a corn flour and wrapped in plantain leaves. Caution: not daily dishes. Risk of obesity but worth it.

• The majority of displaced people in Tolima department have arrived to Ibague, as it's the department's capital. Amanda has worked with displaced communities for the past 8 years and now is working specifically with 2 neighbourhoods: Modelia and Martinica. Modelia is the main community I'm working in. There is still strong guerrilla presence in the south of Tolima, where the FARC guerrilla group was born in the 1960s. The highest displacement rates occurred in Tolima in the early 2000s, but still continues today.
  

• Cajamarca, a beautiful town nestled in the Tolimense mountains, is known as the breadbasket of Colombia, providing food ranging from carrots to tomatoes to onions, yucca, beans, corn and potatoes. Several international (including Canadian) mining companies are also scouring these same mountains for gold deposits which, if found, would begin an open pit mine close to the town. There is strong protest from both the town and Tolimenses.
• Ironically, people generally take time out to relax more than in Canada, but they drive 3 times faster, eat faster, and talk faster. It's an interesting irony: I'm slowly learning to talk faster! :)