Conflict in the church

In the past week, I've seen 2 opposite ways of resolving conflicts in the church (neighbourhood Modelia)


Conflict Resolution 101: Rocky and Bullwinkle (names may have been changed to hide identities!) are teens in the church. Rocky is a fun-loving 18-yr-old who loves to make jokes: sometimes people don't take it well. Bullwinkle is a super-dedicated and sincere teen. He speaks with a lisp and some people have made fun of him for it. Both teens have been in the church for 1 year. Last week, Rocky started joking around, poking fun at Bullwinkle for the way he prayed. Bullwinkle (rightly so) got offended. 'I'm serious, Miriam, I was about to up and storm out of the church, I felt humiliated!' Bullwinkle later shared his frustrations and we all were able to talk directly with Rocky about what had happened, and Rocky promptly apologized to Bullwinkle.

Bullwinkle shared what had happened with his dad, who advised him to simply not talk with Rocky. 'Just don't say hi to him. Don't talk with him: if he asks you a favour or invites you out, say no. I don't like it one bit how he treated you.'



This happened a week ago. Yesterday it was his birthday and I suggested the 3 of us go out to celebrate (Nacho, Lucho and myself), forgetting about their recent conflict. Bullwinkle again expressed how hurt he had felt, but in the end thought it out level-headedly: 'I don't hold a grudge against Rocky, I know he's a good person. Yes, I was real embarrassed but I'm not going to hold it against him. He's been good to me and I have no reason to not talk with him. Yeah, i'm ok with Rocky coming.'

Conflict Resolution 102: Martha and Miguel are 2 teens dating in the church. They dated for 10 months, and appeared very serious, committed in the church too. A month ago, another chica caught Miguel's attention and he ended their relationship. Martha took it super hard: she didn't eat, decided to quit her part-time job, and in general was in the pits. Her mom and 2 sisters also took it hard: they didn't want to see him any closer than a mile away. Her youngest sister has friends in a neighbourhood gang and it got to the point where she was going to send a friend to stab Miguel. The pastor caught wind of this and was able to talk with this friend, and calmed the situation. Who knows if he really would have gone and stabbed Miguel, in revenge for what Miguel did to Martha?

Everyday conflicts in Modelia are commonly resolved with violence: verbal abuse, physical abuse, threats, knives, guns. Simple conflicts turn into unforgivable offenses. Last week in the School of Leaders we started talking about peacebuilding: how do we achieve peace in the church and the neighbourhood. Participants emphasized that we have to start within the church: learn to deal with conflicts in a healthy way. If not, we'll never reach that peace we desire to see in the neighbourhood.

There's lots of work to do in Modelia: through the School of Leaders, we're studying Biblically how to be leaders but are also working the area of peacebuilding: how can we be church and community leaders, being examples in the community of and advocating for healthy conflict resolution?

Thinking of peace seems like a far-off dream, especially in a country tangled up in a 50-year armed conflict. How can we work to break this vicious cycle of revenge, grudges and violence? School of Leaders participants put it simply: we must learn to resolve interpersonal conflicts within the church before thinking of big-picture peace in the neighbourhood or country. It's exciting to see church members reflecting and discussing these issues. I hope and pray people continue to work on this peacebuilding with energy.